12 beers a day

With the flailing economy going more and more towards the shitter everyday, it has me thinking about how poor and lame my life truly is. So I am thinking more and more about diving into a religion which believes in reincarnation, so I can hopefully come back as one of these 5 people, and rock out with my cock out.

5. Paris Hilton

Why the hell not? This bitch is living off her parents money and all she does is party, get drunk, have sex, and repeat on a nightly basis. I am pretty sure that workload could be handled by me, especially the have sex part. Not to mention I have always wanted to get famous for having a nightvision sex tape. Any takers? It can be called “12 beers in my vag”. It’s a working title.

4. Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt is probably the coolest actor alive. Not only is he ripped from hell to back with his physique, but the dude has banged both Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. If I could just get one bj from Angelina with those sexy ass lips, I could die a happy man. Though I would not want to die, because I would want more bj’s, it’s a never ending cycle of bj’s and cheating death.

3. Warren Buffet

The dude is the richest man alive. He has billions upon billions of money just laying around his house. I am pretty sure he has one of those vaults full of gold coins that he goes skinny dipping in on a nightly basis like Scrooge the duck had on that cartoon show. I would love to have his kind of money, and to be honest I would give away half. Hookers and strippers are looking to better themselves, who better to help then me, the richest man in the world.

2. Dane Cook

The guy gets paid to make people laugh, and lots of people think he is funny. What better job on earth is there? Not only does he make millions just making people grin and bear it, but he also has to get laid on a nightly basis by a different girl. I wonder if he is funny in the sack as well? I may have to change that part of my new hysterical life.

1. Hugh Hefner

The pimpest of all pimps and he throws the sickest parties where he is surrounded by even more beautiful people. The dude is like 1000 years old and still bangs girls I can only look at on the internet in wonderous amazement. His life is every guys fantasy. He lives in a mansion. He is surrounded by beautiful girls in which he gets to photograph naked. He has a grotto. And thanks to viagra he at least keeps about 7 different girlfriends, all without a true commitment. What a life, what a life.

I’m still tired from the weekend. One should not try and drink his weight in alocohol.

What is up with the economy? I feel thankful I have a job, but at the same time, I don’t know when my job could all of sudden go under.

Obama or McCain? Who is the lesser of two evils? I have no idea. Sarah Palin is smoking hot though.

I think they put cocaine into diet cokes/pepsi, because I cannot for the life of me go a day without drinking at least one can.

Natural light is like the sweet tea of the beer world.

I’ve always wondered if someone right now at this moment in time was having sex….and reading this blog.

When is the last time a dude ever peed sitting down? That is just odd to me.

Why does Britney Spears just not come to me and say, “I will give you a million dollars a year to be my husband and have numerous sex with me”. I don’t understand why she just will not give into her true feelings.

I think Marissa Miller is possibly the hottest model to have ever lived on earth. Not only is she not rail skinny, but she has gigantic bosoms that my face could go splunking in.

That’s all I have for right now, but it’s only Tuesday and my mind never stops wandering.

I saw this video and just thought to myself, wtf. Similar products, aka blankets, sell for $60 bucks. You gotta be out your mind. If I ever saw anyone wearing one of these, I would die in laughter.

Douche Off - barats and bereta

Just wait till the end.

This is a list every man should read at least once. I know I hate it when I am laying with a girl and I go, “I sure do love your naturally perky boobs with dime sized nipples”, only to have her bitch slap me and run out the room screaming, “I paid good money for these, and you can’t even tell!!!” Oh boy, was that embarassing.

CO-ED Magazine brings you “How to tell if She Has Fake Boobs.

Britney Spears is back, what is this is her 3rd comeback now? And boy, is she back with a bang. Not only does she have a hit song on her hands, it sounds like every other hit song she has ever had, so I am assuming that tid bit of info, but she is naked in the video, which is the only reason I watch it. 7 times.

Considering I can still barely function fully today after getting lost, wasted, in my own bathroom, links are about all I am good for right now.

Double Viking - Pics of Hefners new women.

Sloshspot - 19 Drinks and cocktails named after movies.

Popular Mechanics - 100 skills every man should know.

Tasty Booze - The Best of Ari Gold. I love “Entourage”.

She is dating D-Wade right now, and she is one of the hottest actresses in Hollywood. She also did Bad Boys 2 which kicked ass. You can catch her in the new Neyo video and her next upcoming movie is a movie called “Cadillac Records”. Now sit back, take off your pants, and jacket.

According to TMZ…

Three-month-old Maddie Briann Aldridge is gonna have to wait to have a lil’ baby brother or sister, because Jamie Lynn Spears is not pregnant, y’all!
While several reports are claiming Jamie Lynn is preggers again, an unimpeachable source tells TMZ Britney’s baby sis does not have another bun in the oven.
Someone tell Lynne Spears and get her down from the ledge.

I did say I don’t believe anything the National Enquirer says. So boo yah.