12 beers a day

So just in case you do decide to watch the oscars, here is a little something to assist you in entertaining yourself…

Thanks to The Film.com.

Oscars Drinking Game

THE RULES:

When a winner thanks the Academy, take 1 drink.
When a winner thanks God, take 2 drinks.
When a winner thanks his or her kindergarten teacher, take 3 drinks and thank your own kindergarten teacher.

When a winner forgets to thank the screenwriter, take 1 drink.
When a winner forgets to thank the director, take 2 drinks.
When a winner forgets to thank a spouse, take 3 drinks and kiss your significant other.

If Ellen makes a joke about lusting after a female nominee, take 1 drink.
If it’s Penelope Cruz, take 2 drinks.
If it’s Helen Mirren, take 3 drinks and give a little royal wave.

When a winner pulls out a prepared speech, take 1 drink.
When a winner says, “This is so unexpected,” and pulls out a prepared speech, take 2 drinks.
When a winner wins for writing something and stumbles inarticulately through a speech, take 3 drinks and mumble something incoherent.

When the band attempts to play a winner off the stage, take 1 drink.
When the band succeeds, take 2 drinks.
When the band attempts to play Marty off the stage, take 3 drinks and yell at the TV.

When a presenter stumbles over a name, take 1 drink.
If it’s Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, take 2 drinks.
If it’s Koji Yakusho, take 2 drinks.
If it’s Djimon Hounsou, take 2 drinks.
If it’s Eddie Murphy, take 3 drinks.

When the camera cuts to an object of Ellen’s ridicule in the audience and he or she is clearly not at all amused, take 1 drink.
If it’s Jack Nicholson, take 2 drinks.
If it’s Ken Watanabe, take 3 drinks of sake.

If Clive Owen shows up at the ceremony, take 1 drink.
If Sacha Baron Cohen shows up, take 2 drinks.
If Mel Gibson shows up, take 3 drinks and grumble about the Jewish cabal that controls Hollywood.

When a winner trips on his or her way up to the podium, take 1 drink.
When a winner accepts his or her Oscar and pretends to buckle under the weight of it, take 2 drinks.
When a winner tries to leave the podium in the wrong direction and needs to be guided by the Oscar bimbettes, take 3 drinks.

For every clip montage that goes on too long, take 1 drink.
For every performance of a nominated song that is accompanied by absurd choreography, take 2 drinks.
When the guys from PriceWaterhouseCoopers give those goofy grins that say, “Hey, Ma, I’m on TV!” take 3 drinks.
If Ellen spoofs Letterman’s Uma/Oprah fiasco, take 4 drinks and call it a night.