Last night I strayed. I decided to be different, to be bold. It was time for me to stop drinking beer…and start drinking liquor.

$6 dollar liquor pitchers and a 7 o’clock in the morning alarm clock, yeah, they don’t mix very well. Neither does peeing in someones laundry basket, but my roommate has done it.

I wish I could have someone just follow me around all night on the nights I get drunk. There are so many funny drunken stories that I can’t remember because I blacked out the night before. I hate having to do that recap of, “How did I get home last night?”, only to look out the window and see my car taking up three parking spaces. And the worst is where I wake up on the floor of someones house and have no idea whose place it is, and then see this random dog licking at my crotch and smiling at me. Yeah. That’s bad.

None of that happened last night, just had some liquor and passed out. Then took a scorching hot shower and drank 5 glasses of water before I had to be at work. Damn the man. Damn him.