12 beers a day

Gazing at cheerleaders bottom fancy. Hey, if I was married to an anorexic I would be staring at every girl with a little meat on her. I would also yell, “Hey, I’m famous, you want to do me with a strap on?”. Why? Because I can.

This creeped me out. Just a little bit. It reminded me of that time in Vegas. Oh god. No. 

Isn’t the little white guy in the middle the guy from jackass? You can’t say you wouldn’t pay at least $5 bucks to watch these guys go at it. Seriously. I would. Then kill myself.

The Kansas Jayhawks have won the NCAA basketball tournament. They only had to out-last 64 other teams. They only had to deny the urges of 357 other team cheerleaders. They only had to last a couple games longer then Duke (ed. note - this is why Duke sucks). They only had to beat the unstoppable Tar heels, whom they massacred. Then last but not least they only had to overcome a 9 point deficit with less then 2 minutes to go in the game, then hit a game-tying 3 to send the game to OT.

All Memphis had to do down the stretch was make free throws. I’m not going to name names, Chris Douglas-Roberts, and make comments about how, fab-frosh Derrick Rose, if you are playing college basketball in the NCAA championship game, you should be able to knock down at least ONE more free throw. Then all this would be a moot point.

Also congratulations to J. Wilhott for winning the 12beersaday.com contest for the NCAA tournament. He wins $40 bucks of my drinking money. Lucky Bastard. More contests to come, so stay tuned and subscribe.

Police said Pringle (pictured above), the team’s point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating.

I know whenever I go to the library to do my everyday research of child pornography, I usually get the urge to rub one out. Don’t judge me.

Basically to sum it up, if your going to whack it in the library, go to the top floor corner stacks where no one reads and do it alone. I’ve heard people even get away with napping up there, so you should be good.

Story here.

I feel like being really random today. By really, I mean, totally. Like real world fights random. I just got a bump on my noggin random.

I need ideas for videos people. I am a people pleaser, and an entertainer, and I want to kill two birds with one stone. So here is what you faithful readers do, all five of you, submit video ideas. Any video ideas, well, except kiddie porn, that be nasty. You can email me, you can snail mail me, you can call me, I don’t care. Just get your ideas in.

The NCAA basketball contest is in full swing. Right now, it looks like I am going to be paying some lucky bastard $40 big ones. That blows.

I never knew that women’s basketball had so many hotties. I’m partial to the blondes.

Amy Winehouse used to be normal looking. Kids, this is the before crack and after crack photos of her. Stay off drugs. For Santa.

Who is a music fan? Who likes movies also? Guess what I have for you. Nothing really, except that there is a movie coming out about John Lennon and his death. Basically it chronicles the life of the man who shot the legend. I never would have IMAGINED they would have made this into a movie. Like my play on words there Lennon fans?

And last but not least, enjoy this lovely video of a man singing about people. And yes, He is most likely going to hell.

Vegaswatch has the odds of picking a perfect bracket. Here they are:

1 in 9,565,415,123,568,5123

Odds in beating me:

1 in 500,256,563,456,896,423,458,889,999,666,333,412,489,563

Zilch. Nada. No chance. No shot. No hope. Other words with No. Zero. Ca-put. Bam. Face. Holla. Bye. No sir.

Get the point?

In fact, for those of you who can’t follow my rules for the contest, you have a worse chance. YOU HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE TO MY FEED! I have 1 subscriber and 7 people signed up for the contest. Now, I ain’t no mathematician, but that don’t equal out. So sign up for the feed to be eligible.

And by the way, root for Portland State. They have some HOTT cheerleaders.

Oh, and I got some comments from my “girl” friends that my blog was biased, sexist, only focused towards the male species. I promise my rant on college basketball will be over on Thursday night when the games begin. I promise to crack on guys alot more and maybe even post a picture. One that doesn’t make me homo, and by homo I mean homosexual, or homophobic. There, I said homo for you.

So here.

Don’t tell me that mutha ain’t hot!

In order to be eligible for the contest, you MUST:

CONTEST ALERT CONTEST ALERT CONTEST ALERT 

 I am going to have a NCAA tournament contest. The rules will be as follows: You must have signed up for my feedburner feed, using the handy email subscribe button located in the upper left column. I will have a private group at ESPN.com that I will give out the name and password for. You will go there and register for the group and fill out the bracket. Then come back to this site and leave a comment stating what your team name was, this way I will know who is who. The winner of the contest will get either $25-$50 bucks.

I have filled out numerous brackets over the years. March Madness has become my favorite time of year, outside football season of course. So I am, for lack of a better word, and expert in the area of bracketology. If by expert, you mean dumb-ass, that is.

So here are my tips for you when it comes to picking your bracket to beat me in the contest, rules of which can be found here.

1. If your going to pick an upset in the first round, always make it a 12 seed over a 4 seed.

This is so true. Every year it seems that a 12 seed upsets a 4 seed. No matter how over-matched the 12 seems on paper, they just always seem to want it more. So in your bracket be sure to pick a 12 over a 4, at least one. This is guaranteed.

2. Give some love to the smaller schools, the Butlers, Gonzaga, Drake, Davidson’s. These schools can ball too.

Everyone will pick the Dukes, Indiana’s, North Carolina’s, to make it to the sweet sixteen, but that won’t win your pools. You have to pick the teams no one expects to make it that far. These are usually the smaller schools who don’t have the size to bang with the big boys, but can knock the outside shot down like J.J. Redick with a wiener tied to his pimply back and a fat kid from NC State chasing him. Davidson has one of the best, if not the best, shooter in the NCAA in Stephen Curry. So don’t always count out the small schools. Fact is, they usually shoot the ball better from the outside then the bigger schools.

3. Always pick your bracket when your drunk.

I am honestly telling you this is the best strategy. I usually am sober when I pick my bracket and put too much thought into it, and BAM, I’m screwed after the first round. Being drunk is not only good for your heart, but it takes your feelings out of the equations. That’s why you will sleep with that ugly girl instead of listening to your friends when they tell you not too. Just like you will be able to pick a worse ranked team to pull an upset, then out think yourself out of it. Make sense?

4. Always have at least 1 number 1 seed make the Final Four.

Every year I think, “I have too many number 1 seeds making it too far, I need to re-do”, and every year 2 out of 4 number 1 seeds make the Final Four. That’s 50%. Genius I am. That’s why they are number 1 seeds, people expect them to make a run for the title. Don’t worry if you have all 4 number 1 seeds in the Final Four, it most likely will happen that way.

So there you go. Everything you need to out think me at my own game. If you don’t want to follow these rules, then your probably a smarter person then I am. I mean, an idiot. Yeah, idiot.

Don’t forget about the contest. Here is the link one more time. If you haven’t figured out, I am going to mention the contest 4 times a day till the tourney starts, then you can’t get in. If only one person joins and beats me, then they win. Simple. I’m not gonna back down from no one.

So the rules of the contest are stated here.

Here is what you do now. Go to espn.com and sign up. Once signed up, join the group called 12beersaday contest. Password is beer. Name your team and create your entry. If you have any problems, let me know asap. It shouldn’t be too hard. My pet monkey zoozoodoodoo figured it out, so can you.

The prize will be $40 bucks. I should just make it $12 bucks cause that can buy a 12 pack, but I am being generous, and cheap, all at the same time. It’s called multi-tasking.

GO SIGN UP!

So today is it. Today is the day for the rest of the automatic bids into the NCAA tournament are clinched. Today is the day that teams who thought they had a chance to get in, get their bubble burst. Today is the day that the seedings and the brackets come out for all four regions. I love March Madness.

You know what else that means? That means that this coming up week, from Thursday thru Sunday, I won’t have a life. It means that gamblers from all over the world are going to be placing large amounts of bets, as next weekend is the most bet on weekend in sports. It means casinos, bookies, sports gambling websites, it means they are going to be making ALOT of moolah. It also means I am going to have to fight my urge to put money on the games.

IT ALSO MEANS I AM GOING TO HAVE A CONTEST!!!

CONTEST ALERT CONTEST ALERT CONTEST ALERT 

 I am going to have a NCAA tournament contest. The rules will be as follows: You must have signed up for my feedburner feed, using the handy email subscribe button located in the upper left column. I will have a private group at ESPN.com that I will give out the name and password for. You will go there and register for the group and fill out the bracket. Then come back to this site and leave a comment stating what your team name was, this way I will know who is who. The winner of the contest will get either $25-$50 bucks.

Also if your a girl, guy, E.T., who does not know jack about basketball, sign up anyways. It’s free. Costs nothing. I will also have my NCAA tourney analysis out sometime before Wednesday evening, so you can even use that as a guide. It will have my upset picks for the first round.

So go ahead and let me know if your interested, and what you feel like the prize amount should be.