12 beers a day

Rape and condom are two words that usually do not go hand in hand. Most of the time when I think of rape I think of my Friday night conquests in the back alley behind that Mexican bar, and when I think of condoms I think why can’t I just have unprotected sex without the fear of std’s and aids and babies. Damn reproduction. But now the two have combined to help women out with their sexual safety. Introducing Rapex, the worlds first Anti-rape condom.

That’s right ladies, this little invention was designed specifically for you to place into your vagina to help you prevent from getting raped by some sleezeball. How does it work? I’ll be glad to explain. It’s a condom worn inside of women that has barbs inside it, so that, should any man put his king worm where it is not welcome, it will be stuck with barbs removable only by a doctor.

So basically if some pathetic psycho tries to rape you, his penis will be mangled by barbs. I don’t know about most guys, but this does not excite me in the least bit. In fact my little man is in hiding now just thinking about the pain of barbs stuck in the sides of him. Ouch.

What about if a girl tries to rape me? Can I mangle her vagina beyond recognition? I mean, should the pain not be reciprocated amongst the opposite sexes? I think so. I have work to do. Or the girls could just have sex with me, because lets face it, you cannot rape the willing.

Considering the question mark in the title, you can tell I am either a bit skeptical or a bit baffled by this story. Supposedly scientists are stating that eating watermelon can have the same effect as taking some viagra.

“The more we study watermelons, the more we realize just how amazing a fruit it is in providing natural enhancers to the human body,” said Dr. Bhimu Patil, director of Texas A&M’s Fruit and Vegetable Improvement Center in College Station.

Why has no one told me this? I have always wanted to try viagra, just to see if I could get the 4 hour erection that would make me call my doctor and shout, “YEAH BITCH, 4 HOURS!!!!!”. Now all I have to do is eat a whole thing of watermelon, and boom, 4 hour long schlong right there son.

Basically what it boils down to is there is a nutrient in watermelon that causes your blood vessels to relax, which is what viagra is supposed to do. I don’t really understand how relaxed blood vessels have anything to do with my dingy going up in the wind, but these scientist guys have PHDs so I’ll take their word for it.

There is alot of this crap in the article if you want to read it:

Scientists know that when watermelon is consumed, citrulline is converted to arginine through certain enzymes. Arginine is an amino acid that works wonders on the heart and circulation system and maintains a good immune system, Patil said.

I just prefer to make fun of the stuff I understand, like watermelons can get my wiener hard, for 4 hours.

I wonder if it has the same side effects as well?

Enjoy that picture, because it’s about to get ugly.

This story broke yesterday, and I am a straight man, so here is a straight mans opinion about this story. Yesterday, the State of California made same-sex weddings legal. The first same-sex marriage should set the standard for all same-sex weddings, but instead, you get these two old ladies to tie the knot first.

In San Francisco, Del Martin, 87, and Phyllis Lyon, 84, longtime gay rights activists, were the first and only couple to be wed here, saying their vows in the office of Mayor Gavin Newsom, before emerging to a throng of reporters and screaming well-wishers.

Ms. Martin and Ms. Lyon, who have been together for more than 50 years, seemed touched, if a little amazed by all the attention.

That’s a lesbian porno I CAN wait to see. You would think the Gay and Lesbian(GAL) community would find the two hottest people to be the first ones to wed, not the two most likely to die on the honeymoon. The GAL obviously made a bad PR decision. You could have easily made one phone call to Ellen Degeneres and her fine ass girlfriend to make a public appearance. Have some decency here GAL!!!

Really I only wanted to write this story cause I found that girl with nice boobs to put at the top. And I got to say the words “Lesbian” and “Porno” and not come off as a pervert. Ok. Maybe a little bit of a perv. Hey, it’s not my fault porno lesbians are hot and real life lesbians are on the brink of death. Blame Hillary Clinton.