at least until my liver explodes
Someone snuck a video camera into a private screening of the new movie “The Dark Knight” and recorded the first 5 minutes and put it on the net. To whoever that person was, thank you. I am now even more excited to see this movie.
Thanks to CO-ED magazine for the link.
Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th, Come on July 18th.
I could do that for days on end. The New Dark Knight poster almost made me pee my pants. Almost.
BOOTY SWEAT, BOOTY SWEAT, LET ME GET THAT BOOTY SWEAT!!! What will these high-paid executives come up with next? The Bachelor Guy reports that Hollywood execs are turning this fictitious energy drink from the movie “Tropic Thunder” into a real product.
I can see it now…
Customer: Hey Bartender!!
Bartender: What can I get for you?
Customer: Man, you got that booty sweat and vodka here? Or how bout a jaeger-booty?
Bartender: Aw man, you can’t handle that jaeger-booty dawg.
Customer: Bitch you crazy, give me four jaeger-booties son!!!! I love that sweaty BOOTY!!!!
Good times, good times.
This story broke last week, but I just got finished puking my guts out to be able to write about it. Verne Troyer, aka Mini-me from the Austin Powers movies, has a leaked sex tape floating around the internet. This is what the girl actually looks like who is participating in doing a midget.
Her name is Ranae Shrider, and she is a struggling model. I sure as hell hope so if she is boinking midget me to try get ahead. This guy has 4 movies under his belt and a drunken reality show clip that classifies him as a light weight drunk.
For the rest of you who can’t get the image of mini-stick and rail girl out of your head, click here for a monday morning post-midget porn pick me up. And if you want to see the actual sex tape, go jump of a building you sick demented pervert. (Plus I couldn’t find it on google.)
Ignore the headline to the magazine cover, because the next one is going to say “I’M NO LONGER PREGNANT”. Trust me. I’m smart about these things. Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to a baby girl this morning at a hospital in Mississippi. The 17 year old nickelodeon star had the baby with just her family around, including her Older sibling fuckup Britney Spears.
I can just hear this family at Christmas this year…
Jamie: This damn baby won’t stop crying. What do I do Britney?
Britney: Just go marry one of your back-up dancers, then go crazy and start snorting crack all the time, while at the same time stopping for a cheeseburger every 20 minutes in between your binge drinking.
Jamie: But Britney, I already married my 19 year old boyfriend, who may not even be the father of my child.
Britney: May not be the father? Hmmmmmmmm…. KEVIN!!!
Kevin: Oh hell.
I’m not saying that Kevin would be in the same room, let alone the same state as those two crack jobs, but somehow “Father of the year” K-fed would be pulled into this. I know how these things work. Damn fantasy of sleeping with my girl’s much to younger sister. Always gets me in trouble.
Columbia pictures has signed a deal that will bring the little blue monglings known as the Smurfs, to the big screen. The movie will be part of a celebration of the Smurfs 50-year anniversary.
In order for it to be considered an anniversary, don’t they actually have to be around, working or something? Like if I die today, I’m pretty sure in July that no one is going to be celebrating my birthday, cause I’ll be what they call in science, dead. I have not heard a peep from the Smurfs since I was an 11-year old kid stuffing my pie hole with ding dongs.
One thing I could never figure out about this show was there was only like one lady Smurf. I call her “Smurf slutty”. I would have a case of major blue balls if I was a Smurf competing against 98 other dude Smurfs trying to lay the pipe to “Smurf Slutty”. Get it? Blue balls. Cause I’m a frickin Smurf. And they are all blue. Including their balls.
Supposedly the movie will be just like the “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie, which had Alvin, Simon, and Theodore, yes I named those without google, as computer generated characters and had humans playing alongside them. I guess this movie made decent money so Columbia thought, wtf mate.
I don’t know how many people have seen the previews yet for this movie coming out, but it looks like it can be either hilariously great, or retardedly disappointing. Either way, I will go watch it, mostly due to the fact of this spoof at the MTV Movie Awards recently, which gave me the impression that Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr., and Jack Black have good chemistry on scene.
And here is the trailer again for Tropic Thunder, the movie.
Is the world coming to an end? Heidi and Spencer from “The Hills” fame have started up a social-networking site. For those not familiar with social-networking sites, get your head out of your ass and Google facebook or myspace. Better yet, go to my myspace and add me as a friend.
Speidiweb is the innovative name of their brain child creation. It’s their names combined, get it, Spencer + Heidi = shoot me in my motherf*cking head.
“Heidi and I just launched SPEIDIWEB which is our ALL NEW website, blog, and social network. I have 6 new blogs posted this week. We will both be uploading EXCLUSIVE content directly from our cell phones 3-5 times per week.”
Awesome, EXCLUSIVE content from their cell phones! The quality will be amazing. I can’t wait to join and promote my penis as a member. I’m sure Heidi will add me as a friend then. SWEET!
***Ed. Note - The Site is currently down, so this could all be a facecious rumor, one can only pray. My source says it is from traffic overload.
Not much going on the world today for me to write about then make really sarcastic and stupid jokes, so here is a quick synopsis of the world around us, followed by my hottie of the week - Noureen DeWulf.
Tatum O’neal was arrested for Cocaine.
Sex and the City made a whopping $55.7 in its opening weekend at the box office.
Universal Studios caught on fire, but they re-opened today.
And now here is your hottie.
“I’m getting a lil’ too old for this shit”
Following in the footsteps of the never aging Harrison Ford, Eddie Murphy is making a return to the role that made him famous, Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop 4. I understand that Indiana Jones and the skull movie made a killing this last opening weekend, but I don’t think the Beverly Hills Cop series is quite as popular as the George Lucas produced Movies are. I don’t have a clue what the synopsis is going to be, but here is my idea for it.
Axel Foley goes undercover in the nursing home. Someone is stealing the old ladies’ dirty diapers. Could it be Amy Winehouse who is running out of her lifetime supply of depends? Foley must infiltrate the Grand-mafia (Get it, Grand for grandpa and grandma) and find out who this shit stealer is.
That sounds like an hour and half of pure action in a bottle right there. This movie is destined to break all box office records if they give me a role as sidekick Rock Cathaway, a witty and charming ladies man hell bent on sleeping with every hot girl that walks across my peripherals. Boobs on screen and everything. You know you would watch that. Bitches.
