12 beers a day

We’ve all been there. At the bar/club, out with our friends having a good time. Shaking our bon bons to livin la vida loca, grinding on the one drunk person that is more wasted then you. Gazing on the dance floor for that special person that is going to catch your attention for the next 2 hours. Alcohol is a hell of a friend. It helps us all pick out people, that sober, we would be to ashamed to talk to, but drunk, they look like Brad Pitt/Jessica Alba. So I’m here to be your guide. Guide to what you ask? Hop along for the ride.

How to get that guy home - Lessons for Women

Girls, girls, girls. Here you go. I am about to spill the beans on how to get that guy you are longing for to go home with you…when your drunk.

Rule Number 1: This is the main rule to picking up guys. Make sure; make DAMN sure, they are drunk. The uglier you are, the drunker they HAVE to be. Beer goggles only work so well ladies. If you see a half sober guy walking around, that’s a pass. If you see a guy fumbling his drinks, tripping on his own feet, drooling a little on his favorite shirt: SCORE! Talk to him. At first, the drool may throw you off, but your not here to speed date, your goal is to get the young man home. From there you are on your own.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 2: Don’t get a guy who is so shit-housed that he is going to pass out on you during the walk/drive home. (Disclaimer: Please don’t drink and drive, I do it all the time and is so STUPID!) If the dildo passes out on you, you will be left snooping through his wallet to find out if he is loaded, and whether or not the next day you want to try and convince him to buy you something nice. If you’re a gold digger, well, ignore this rule and proceed with the wallet investigation.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 3: This is one of the most important rules, so jot this down. Be positive his friends, HIS FRIENDS, are beyond intoxicated before initiating the “come home with me” conversation, unless you are an incredibly hot girl. Guys, believe it or not, look out for one another…occasionally. If you are a less than stellar looking woman, you must make sure his friends are drunk, so they won’t talk him/drag him out of going with you. Your best friend at these moments should be Jaeger shots. Buy rounds for his friends, not him. You don’t want him to end up like rule number 2.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 4: The catch. The easiest and most effective way to get a guy to go home with you from the bar, simple: Grab His Crotch. What straight man is going to turn that down? Huh? Guys, am I right?

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply. But do it anyway for a randy good time later.How to get that girl home - Lessons for Men

My brothers I have not forgotten about ye. Get your notepads out, I am about to lay it out for you in terms you can understand on how to get that girl home.

Rule Number 1: Hide from your friends. At this point your beer goggles should be on full blast, and having any of your friends around, guy or girl friends, will impede you from picking out easy prey. Hearing the occasional “she is ugly man” is ok, but hearing it from 4 different people 4 different times will affect your game. Ditch them for the moment. Once you find your catch, hook her, and bring her in to the group. Make sure she does not stray to far from the circle, this way no one will have the opportunity to tell you if she is ugly or not.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 2: Buy her friends drinks. Please remember to make them happy and get them drunk. Unlike with your guy friends just keeping you from ugly girls when they are sober, women will protect their friends from every wandering penis in sight if they don’t like the looks of them, or if they themselves, are sober. You have to make her friends happy and/or drunk in order to even be able to have a conversation with your interest, let alone go home with her. Women are like a pack of wolves, they won’t leave one behind, unless they are to damn drunk to remember that wolf just got taken home by a rhino.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule DEFINTELY DOES apply.

Rule Number 3: Go after a girl who is drunk, but not shitty drunk. Shitty drunk means she is taking shots every 5 minutes and trying to make out with every guy that walks by her on their way to the bathroom. You don’t want this girl. This girl is most likely going to have issues later on in the night, ex: extended trips to the toilet and/or trashcan. It’s just a fact that most women, and I say MOST women ladies so don’t yell, cannot handle large amounts of alcohol without Mr. Up-chuck stopping by for a visit. Holding a girl’s hair back from the toilet was not the position you had in mind, I’m sure.

Rule Number 4: Act like you give a shit what the drunken girl is saying. Women love, LOVE, to be listened to. They can talk for days about God knows what. If you pretend you are interested in what a drunken girl has to say, she will most likely talk to you for a good bit. Women like to hear themselves talk and guys don’t really care as long as he can glance down your shirt every now and then.

Note to women: Wear a low cut shirt.

Rule Number 5: At one point in the night make it rain on them hoes. Why not?

Please, please, PLEASE, keep in mind that these rules only apply when you and your object of desire, or objects, are drunk. Sober, you’re on your own, I suck at sober talking.

Any questions?

Last night I strayed. I decided to be different, to be bold. It was time for me to stop drinking beer…and start drinking liquor.

$6 dollar liquor pitchers and a 7 o’clock in the morning alarm clock, yeah, they don’t mix very well. Neither does peeing in someones laundry basket, but my roommate has done it.

I wish I could have someone just follow me around all night on the nights I get drunk. There are so many funny drunken stories that I can’t remember because I blacked out the night before. I hate having to do that recap of, “How did I get home last night?”, only to look out the window and see my car taking up three parking spaces. And the worst is where I wake up on the floor of someones house and have no idea whose place it is, and then see this random dog licking at my crotch and smiling at me. Yeah. That’s bad.

None of that happened last night, just had some liquor and passed out. Then took a scorching hot shower and drank 5 glasses of water before I had to be at work. Damn the man. Damn him.

So the site may be shifting around the next couple of days but I still plan to keep writing good shit for the people of America.

I’m probably going to keep this theme, let me know what you think about it. Also, check out my updated pages: About this Site and Tips or Ideas pages. I’ve included proof of my alcoholism. Trust me. It will make you jealous.

Also, to the left on this entry you will see a subscribe to my feed button. DO IT. Also, make this your damn homepage. I got Google on here, so what more do you need. Entertainment, beer, and porn all at your fingertips from one site. SCORE!

I’m a beer drinker. I drink the well known stuff, BUD LIGHT. I also use curse words as often as I can when I am at work. Mostly because I hate work and want to win the lottery and move to Vegas and gamble away a million dollars and then sue the casino. Sorry. I’m still pissed that I did not think of that idea first. Damn lady.

This is why I swear, and love youtube:

Yeah I get it, back to the point. MSN.com has released an article listing numerous Beers that are supposedly good for you. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Natural Light(Yeah, I’m cheap, suck it), and what ever other light/lite beer you have actually heard of, it’s not on the list. You can see the list here. If you have actually had any of these alcoholic beverages, please comment and tell me where you got them, and how they tasted.

With Beer names like New Belgium Skinny Dick Dip, how bad could they possibly be?

Also, you can join my 12beersaday.com myspace page, just click here and add me as a friend. Do it. Do it. Or I’ll rape you anally. Trust me, I will. KY is my friend.

Why did I not think of this before? One of my favorite activities, DRINKING, plus a good cause, GIVING TO CHARITY. Where was the noggin on this one?

Clemson Beer Cup. That is name of the 3rd semi-annual even being held at the University of Clemson. Not only does this event involve drinking, I mean what else do you really need besides alcohol, but they also will have entertainment and games and GIRLS. DRINKING AND GIRLS all in one spot, and its not in a bar, and you can actually feel good about yourself when your puking in public.

All you have to do is purchase a ticket, not sure the price, but you get beer and liquor, plus all that other jazz I mentioned. All the proceits will be going to a non-profit organization.

They also have drinking games in which you form teams and compete against others. The prizes are…MORE DRUNKENNESS. No better prize than that. Games included are “Chug-a-Mug (1 team member), Turbo Quarters (1 team member), Beer Pong (2 team members), Line Chug (3 team members) and Flip Cup (all 7 team members).” So basically it’s just about every drinking game I want to play in order for me to get HOUSED.

IDEA

“So I am here to announce I will have in the works the 1st annual Shit-faced for stupids, in which all the prociets will go to some mentally retarded helping charity. Maybe I will think of a more appropriate name, but most them kids can’t read anyways. IM JOKING. Leave mean comments now.” - ME

So there will be more to this, but I just got done playing this drinking game. Its called tourettes. Basically, what you do is you have a deck of cards and one person has them in their hands face down. The participants sit in a circle and the dealer  plays the person to the left. Dealer lays the card and the two playing have to say a word that begins with the first letter of the card flipped, for instance if a “2″ is laid down a word like tomorrow or today could be used, and for a “9″a word like night or nagger could be played. You cannot use a winning word more than once. Once the winner is selected, the deck of cards is then placed in their possession. Shake, stir and repeat

Did I explain that well? I hope so. I’m buzzing from the game, because I suck at word yelling out. Like hardcore suck. Like suck the chrome off a bumper suck. Straight up. ~ he aint lying, i beat his ass (ACE) EVERYTIME!!!!

By the way, new posts coming up are going to include drinking games and hangover cures, cause I need a quick place to look for the both of them. Especially the hangover cures part.

SUCK ONE!!! and when youre done, SUCK ANOTHER!!