12 beers a day

This your Hollywood catchup. Basically, nothing interesting is going on in the world today that I can poke fun at, so I am here to help you keep up with the gossip that is what we all know as Hollywood.

“I do…like poo”

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz got married. For those of you who do not recognize those names, that would be Hottie Jessica Simpson’s sister, and that guy that plays in that band called “Fall out boy”. I didn’t know these two were dating until like two weeks ago, where I am presuming that Ashlee Simpson found out she got pregnant by him which in turn made her crazy ass manager dad Joe Simpson threaten to kill every human being within 100 yards unless Pete agreed to marry her, thus sparking a emo/lip synching wundercouple to be formed in the form of Ashlee and Pete. I think I remember from that show 2 guys a girl and pizza place. Google it.

**Sidenote - Ashlee did learn from her big sister’s mistake though, and made that bitch sign a prenup. Which actually kind of baffles me, because unlike her sister, I don’t think Ashlee is the breadwinner in this family. Oh well. Marry me Jessica.

“Drip drip drip”

R&B singer R. Kelly is starting his long legal battle today in his child-porn case. I can see how this is really big news since this story actually broke like 5 years ago. How is it that someone can be VIDEOTAPED having SEX with and UNDERAGE girl, have that EVIDENCE leaked onto the INTERNET for ALL the world to SEE, and somehow it takes FOREVER to put him on trial. How does he expect to get out of this? I’m pretty sure he will testify today and his statements will be as follows:

R.Kelly: That ain’t me.

Judge: Well, why didn’t you just say so, your free to go rub on her booty, boooooty, booooboooboooooty!

Now that you know how it is going to play out in court, go run out and buy his new hit single, poo on my pee pee, or check it on his myspace page!

Come on now, did you think I was serious?