The Oscars
So after all the buzz surrounding the writers’ strike and the cancelling of the Oscars, they have finally arrived. Not that anyone outside of the film industry actually cares about these awards. In fact I still even wonder why they have awards shows period, besides the Victoria Secret fashion show, because that is an award for me.
But anyway, for lack of writing material and basically just me wanting to play prognosticator, here are my predictions for who is going to win what, along with my “why I really don’t care who wins” rant, and also my pick for who SHOULD win, even if they are not nominated. So get ready, cause I have seen none of these damn movies.
Best Picture
No Country for Old Men
This gets my Oscar for best picture, mainly because this is the only movie in the bunch that I actually wanted to see, besides Juno which I did see and was highly disappointed with. That kid from Superbad really sucked a fat nipple in this one. No Country looked like a great movie and got rave reviews from pretty much anyone who saw it. The preview itself was entertaining to me, and therefore it gets the Oscar. I don’t really have a “who should win” prediction here. I did not see any movies this year worth giving a crap award no one cares about to. Except maybe Step Up 2, it gets the crunk award.
Best Actor
George Clooney - Michael Clayton
Why George you ask? Because he is the coolest man in Hollywood. Hands Down. He is a man’s man, and woman’s man, a grandma’s man, he is the FRICKIN’ man. I give him the Best Actor award because I think I have enjoyed almost every movie he has been in, which I can only remember all the Ocean’s movies right now, but they were sweet.
Best Actress
WHO CARES
There are 5 actresses nominated for the award in this category, and I have not heard of a single one of them. To be honest if I watched any of these movies and one of them got naked in it, BAM, we have our winner. So since I guess I have been under a film rock this year and missed out on these ladies riveting performances, my Oscar goes to WHO CARES, unless one of them popped a nipple out, then they win.
And those are really the only categories that I remotely care about. All those best special FX, best nose job on camera, best butt in jeans awards, those can kiss my ass, along with the whole damn show.
Get drunk and watch the Playboy channel or something. At least that is quality entertainment.
