12 beers a day

AFC West

San Diego Chargers - Another favorite to win it all this year, San Diego is stacked with talent on both sides of the ball. Lets start with the O where you have mr. MVP Ladainian Tomlinson in the backfield. He will put up his usual numbers as long as he stays healthy this year. Philip Rivers is back from a knee injury he suffered in the playoffs and has looked a little timid on that leg in the preseason, but he looked accurate and is becoming a great leader on this football team. The D is led by Shawn Merriman, who is going to be playing with torn ligaments in his knee this year. Even playing injured Merriman is one of the tops in the league. Antonio Cromartie and Quentin Jammer make for two of the best corners in the game and the Chargers secondary should produce lots of INTs.

Denver Broncos - With Jay Cutler going into his 3rd year, the Broncos are hoping for a return to the playoffs, but I don’t see it happening this year. Cutler lacks weapons on the outside and the RB situation is shaky for Denver. Selvin Young will be taking the handoffs and he is unproven as a full time starter. Brandon Marshall had a breakout 07 season but was injured in the off-season which caused a little turmoil amongst his teammates. The Defense still has Champ Bailey on one side and now has his brother Boss in the linebacking corps, but he was not very successful in Detroit. The loss of John Lynch at Safety really takes away from the veteran leadership this D once had. Bottom line is they need more play makers in the skill positions.

Oakland Raiders - Are they finally back?! Almost, but not quite yet. An unproven QB in JaMarcus Russell, who struggled in limited playing time last year, but has the arm strength to throw the ball all over the field. The addition of playmaker Darren McFadden in the draft is going to help take the pressure off Russell, because Oakland has a stable of talented backs who will all help carry the rushing load. They overspent bringing injury prone wideout Javon Walker out to Oakland, but if he can regain his old form, he may be worth the money. The Defense has some good play makers on that side of the ball including CBs Nnamdi Asomugha and newly acquired DeAngelo Hall. They could make for a case for best CBs in the league if they both play to their capabilities. Look for Oaklands Defense to keep them in several games, and even win them a couple. This team could be dangerous.

Kansas City Chiefs - Full rebuilding mode is going in KC, but the Chiefs have had some great drafts the last couple of years to help their cause. I’m not sold on Brodie Croyle as a starting NFL QB, he has to improve on his accuracy and cut back on his INTs. Larry Johnson only played in 8 games last year before he was hurt, but I don’t expect much from him behind his inexperienced O-line. Jamaal Charles should spell him a bit as well. The Defense is young to, led by linebacker Derrick Johnson, who is the best player on the Defense by far. He should get even more tackles this year with big man Glenn Dorsey taking up 2-3 blockers per play. KC has some great young talent, but as for this year, it’s just going to be developmental time.

This just pisses me off. Here I am, poor little old me, struggling every week to fill my gas tank for $4.00 a gallon, working for the man, driving a POS car, and then this comes out. Thanks to WWTDD for the video.

For those who didn’t get the full extent of the video, here it is for you in a recap: Diddy is a bitch. The dude is going to sit here and complain about filling his personal f*cking jet up with gasoline while the rest of America is struggling to even make a house payment. Screw rich people. Why can’t I be one of them?

All my life I dreamed that I could do anything I set my mind to, then I realized I was short, pudgy, and unathletic, and I would never be able to be a Professional QB in the NFL or able to dunk a basketball. So then I turned my dream to sportscasting, and now I have my inspiration for it. Watch.

Thats right. This guy has a job in sportscasting now.

Brian Collins of internet fame gets a big boy job. In Newscasting nonetheless.

AFC SOUTH

Indianapolis Colts - The 2nd most potent offense in the league is led buy Pro Bowl QB Peyton Manning, who, for the first time in his career, may miss a start due to injury. Peyton should be ready to go by the season opening game, so Reggie Wayne and company should not miss a beat. Expect big things from RB Addai also, if he can manage to play the full season. The defense has been much improved since Tony Dungy arrived in Indy. Expect more of the same this year with Pro Bowlers Bob Sanders roaming the middle of the field and Dwight Freeney terrorizing opposing QBs. I look for the Colts to be in the AFC championship game again.

Jacksonville Jaguars - It’s a toss up between the veteran Jaguar team and a young Titan team for who will finish 2nd in the division, but I got to go with J’ville. They get more consistent play from QB David Garrard, and they have a great 1-2 punch in the backfield with Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. They also upgraded the recieving corps adding Jerry Porter and Dennis Northcutt to go along with Reggie Williams and Matt Jones. The Defense did lose Marcus Stroud on the D-line so they may not be as good at stopping the run, but the Secondary still has all of its weapons. Look for Reggie Nelson to have a big second year as a pro.

Tennessee Titans - Vince Young is Mr. everything for the Titans, but he needs to focus on just being a QB. His accuracy is shotty at times and he relies too much on his legs, aka Mike Vick syndrome. Lets hope he loves dogs. The Titans do have a stable of RBs to choose from, including the fastest runner in the draft in Chris Johnson, who will be a great change of pace back with Lendale White being the bruiser. The Defense is young and talented and will be lead by veteran LB Keith Bulluck. I still feel like the D will be trying to bail out Vince Young and his mistakes, but if Young makes the leaps he needs to, look for the Titans to surprise some people. I still them as a year or 2 away from being as good as they can be.

Houston Texans - The post David Carr era went better then was expected in Houston last year. Matt Schaub showed glimpses of what he could be, and Andre Johnson proved he will be a top tier WR in this league once he gets some consistent QB play. Mario Williams had a breakout year where he proved to everyone he was worthy of that #1 pick over so far bust Reggie Bush. The Defense and Offense need to both improve if the Texans want to have a shot in this tough Division. They are making strides in the right direction though.

AFC North

Pittsburgh Steelers - I like the Steelers to win the North this year. They are a hard nosed team that has a good offense and a better defense. Troy Poloamalu is one of the top safeties in the game, and his all out style of play helps make it a living nightmare playing this Steelers D. Look for Ben Roethlisberger to have a good year as well. Alot of teams will be gearing up to stop the running game of Parker and Mendenhall, and that will open up the passing lanes for Big Ben. I feel like this is the year Big Ben comes into his own as a QB.

Cleveland Browns -  Were they a one hit wonder? Will they have a QB controversy? Two questions fans are going to be asking until proven otherwise. Cleveland had a surprising year last year, led by the emergence of Pro Bowl QB Derek Anderson. The question is, can he do it again, or will be fans be calling for golden boy Brady Quinn after Anderson throws his first INT. My prediction, Brady Quinn plays this year, but only sparingly, and only because Anderson gets hurt. I don’t think Anderson is going to put up huge numbers like he did last year, but with Braylon Edwards on the outside catching his passes and Kellen Winslow as his check down receiver, Anderson should have another decent year. The defense is young and fast and that makes for an aggressive D, one that will play better then it did last year. Still not good enough to surpass the Steelers.

Cincinnati Bengals - The “Bungals” as they have been known for so long, took a step back in to mediocrity last year. Their Defense could not stop anyone. Their offense can only put up so many points. Carson Palmer and company will continue to be a talented offense and this year with the addition of Chris Perry finally being able to play, i believe the running game will help improve the passing game. Expect big numbers from the wideouts as Chad Johnson loves to talk the talk, but he walks the walk as well. I am not sure if the Defense will be much improved from last year, as they lost Justin Smith on the D-line, and the only addition they really made was Keith Rivers in the draft. Look for the Bengals to allow alot of points again this year.

Baltimore Ravens - I’m not sold on any of the QBs on the Ravens roster, which is why I have them finishing last in the Division. Yes, Flacco has a great arm, but his competition in college was not NFL worthy and I don’t think he will play right away if the coaching staff is smart. Look for Willis McGahee and Ray Rice to get alot of work out of the backfield and for the Defense to try and carry the Offense. It’s going to be a rebuilding year on Offense, which I think will also affect their great, yet aging Defense.

I have literally drank that much alcohol in a weekend before. I do not remember that weekend. Could this be one of those weekends? If it is, I’ll be sure to take pictures.

WWTDD - Michael Phelps is going to swim in Lindsay Lohans vagina.

Tasty Booze - 4 reasons you do not Kite-Surf in a Tropical Storm.

College Candy - The Pros and Cons of the Drunk hook-up. What is not included in this list is to film the hook-up session so you can remember it in the morning. That’s what I do.

Don Chavez - Why I miss college. I am so enrolling as a Freshman somewhere again. Soon.

Football season is almost here and I have a raging boner to prove it. It’s only the greatest time of the year. Everything else is just filler for the football season. The offseason has been a wacky one. Brett Favre is now a New York Jet. Jason Taylor is a Washington Redskin. Chad Pennington is a Miami Dolphin. New England keeps adding veterans like John Lynch. Somehow Al Davis is still alive and wasting his money. I still don’t have a head coaching job.

With the preseason nearing its last meaningless game, most people I know are gearing up for the regular season trying to see if their teams actually have a chance to make the playoffs. Me, being a falcons fan, is having to consume numerous amounts of Alcohol to get myself to believe that we have a shot at the Super Bowl. I now bring you my AFC EAST preview. I plan on bringing you a division by division preview, to be completed before the season. Along with my division preview, I will also give you my key fantasy player for the division, and my sleeper fantasy player. Trust me, this is the knowledge of the Gods coming at you right here. Soak it in.

AFC EAST

1. New England Patriots

The New England Patriots were the second best team in football last year after losing in the Super Bowl to a far superior New York Giants team. Tom Brady to Randy Moss is the greatest TD duo in the history of the league, and I don’t see anyone being able to stop them this year. Their Defense is their one weakness, mainly because they are old and keep getting older. They did manage to draft some young players who could contribute right away which could help this aging D, but even without the youth, the D is smart enough and athletic enough to get them back to the ’ship.

2. New York Jets

I love the trade for Brett Favre. Not that Chad Pennington and Kellen Clemens were not going to give the Jets a chance to win, but Favre brings leadership and tons of experience, not to mention a rocket arm. With Favre throwing the rock, I expect big things from the running game, mostly Thomas Jones, which in turn will open things up for the passing game. The D should be well improved from last year after adding some key veterans on the d-line. I still don’t see the playoffs for the Jets this year.

3. Buffalo Bills

The Bills are my sleeper team in this division. They have shown flashes the last two years, but that has also been with two different QBs at the helm. I think they have settled on Trent Edwards as the starter and he has played well so far this preseason. Marshawn Lynch was very good as a rookie and should be even better this year. If the Defense can play to its potential, they offense has enough play makers to put points on the board, so I could see the bills challenging for a playoff spot if they hit on all cylinders this year.

4. Miami Dolphins

Let the Chad Pennington era begin, at least for a couple of games. The best QB on this roster is Chad Henne, and he will be starting before the season ends, and the Dolphins season will end by week 10. Ricky Williams may be the starter at RB for this team, and after his two year hiatus from football, I am interested to see if he can get back to his pro bowl form. The defense got rid of veterans Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor, so new leaders need to emerge to lead this young D. The dolphins have some play makers, but I don’t see their rebuilding helping them take a giant step forward this year, but I do see them winning 5 games.

When I wake up in the morning and the ‘larm lets out a warning, I don’t think I’ll ever make it on time. By the time I got my books and I give myself a look, I’m at the corner just in time to see the bus slide by…

But hey, it’s alright, cause I’m saved by the bell…dun dun dunnnn dun dun dunnnn

If the teacher pops a test, I know that I’m a mess and my dog ate all my homework last night. Riding low in my chair, she won’t know that I’m there, if I can hand it in tomorrow it’ll be alright.

It’s alright, cause I’m saved by the bell…by a hottie…named Tiffani Amber Thiessen. I think this was the first girl I had a pornographic fantasy about, and now that she is older, you know she has been around and learned a couple tricks on the road to sexual freedom.

I hope your ears start bleeding and you develop fungus on your naughty parts if you encourage this behavior from reality TV stars. I say the term “stars” very loosely when referring to this god awful person.