at least until my liver explodes
I love how people with no talent go on some stupid MTV fake reality show and all of sudden they become famous and rich. I am poor with no talent, where is my tv show MTV? Huh? Where is it you pigmy sums of bitches.
At one point you can see Nelly almost have his posse shoot this dumb bitch.
Leaky prostate INDEED.
The IMDB database has her appearing in only one movie that I have ever heard of, “Layer Cake”, so I don’t know if that counts as being famous or not? But at any rate, you can see her boobs here. Thanks WWTDD.
Most guys have a ratings scale that they rate women on. Some guys have a 1-10 scale, some have other ways of separating the haves from the have nots. Someone got me thinking this weekend about what my scale of women is, and so here it is, from worst to first.
Amy Winehouse is Boogly.
Boogly - This is another term for butt ugly. These are the girls that alcohol can’t even make look somewhat do-able. You will not, under any circumstance, allow your Johnson near one of these women. It’s not that God made them ugly, but they just do not seem to care about the normal things in life… like bathing.
Britney Spears used to be so hott, now, she is a skank.
Skanks - Skanks have reputations that precede them. It’s not that these women are ugly, annoying, or have diseases, they just are known for their random acts of sexual behavior with various men, thus making you more inclined to believe they have the clap. These girls you will most likely not talk to at all sober, but when inebriated, these women become your object of desire. Mostly because you have a good chance of banging a skank that night.
Jessica Simpson is very likable.
Likeable - These women are ones that you are extremely attracted to, yet there is something about them keeping them in the likeable zone. Maybe they smoke, maybe they have bad teeth, maybe they are dumb as dirt (ex. Jessica Simpson). There are several reasons guys keep girls in the likeable zone, different for every penis. Likeable girls can work their way into the next region by either correcting what the guys feel is keeping them here, ex. stop smoking, or by just hanging around long enough for the guys to get past that.
Megan Fox is the definition of dateable.
Dateable - These are the girls that tickle your fancy in every way possible. Your attracted to their looks, personality, sense of humor, everything. In your eyes they have no flaws. These girls differ for every guy. Some guys base this more on looks, shallow guys, and some guys base it on personality and wit. These women you would take home to momma, introduce to the family, and take to your high school reunion just to show her off and tell all those girls who wouldn’t tickle your wang in High School to bite your pale ass. Sorry, I had rough teen years.
Marissa Miller is the hottness.
The Hottness - These girls are the ones that walk into the room and every guy in the place takes a look and drools. They should be Victoria Secret models, (ex. Marissa Miller is one). Basically these girls are out of our league, and they most likely know it, causing most of these girls to be snotty and rude and sending them careening into the likeable category, even though they started out in the hottness category.
So there you have my ratings scale. I must say this is solely based on lies and deception and really I have no idea what girls fall into these categories. Attraction is a personal preference and differs for everyone. Every person has different tastes and different elements that they want in that certain someone, but my scale of boogly, skanks, likeable, dateable, and the hottness can be used to categorize them for everyone.
Karaoke is awesome. Probably the greatest invention since those Swiss bastards invented cheese. What is better then karaoke you ask? Karaoke at a bar, drunk. Which is exactly what I was doing monday night, and here is the horrid video of me trying to remember the words to Nelly’s “Country Grammar”.
It is definitely not “hot shit”.
So It got me thinking, what are some of the top karaoke songs to wail out at the bar. Well, here is the 12beersaday.com top karaoke songs. Songs are ranked on the possibility that the crowd will get involved with you while singing.
5. Don’t Stop Believing - Journey
4. Summer of ‘69 - Bryan Adams
3. I will survive - Diana King
2. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
1. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
What you don’t agree? Then give me your opinions and the list shall be revised. Why? Because I am to please, and if it was me it would be all Ashlee Simpson songs. Slut.
This creeped me out. Just a little bit. It reminded me of that time in Vegas. Oh god. No.
Isn’t the little white guy in the middle the guy from jackass? You can’t say you wouldn’t pay at least $5 bucks to watch these guys go at it. Seriously. I would. Then kill myself.
I want to do this. Only with me, I want to be drunk, in a bar, with drunk people, and a video camera. How awesome would that be? Chandler in a mascot costume with a HUGE head…hilarity ensues.
Senseless violence is the norm in the world today. Why can’t it be NAKED senseless violence? Huh? Seriously?
(Ed. Note - This is really f’d up.)
The Kansas Jayhawks have won the NCAA basketball tournament. They only had to out-last 64 other teams. They only had to deny the urges of 357 other team cheerleaders. They only had to last a couple games longer then Duke (ed. note - this is why Duke sucks). They only had to beat the unstoppable Tar heels, whom they massacred. Then last but not least they only had to overcome a 9 point deficit with less then 2 minutes to go in the game, then hit a game-tying 3 to send the game to OT.
All Memphis had to do down the stretch was make free throws. I’m not going to name names, Chris Douglas-Roberts, and make comments about how, fab-frosh Derrick Rose, if you are playing college basketball in the NCAA championship game, you should be able to knock down at least ONE more free throw. Then all this would be a moot point.
Also congratulations to J. Wilhott for winning the 12beersaday.com contest for the NCAA tournament. He wins $40 bucks of my drinking money. Lucky Bastard. More contests to come, so stay tuned and subscribe.
And when I say humping, I mean dry humping, in public, fully clothed, against their permission. Why you ask? Cause they are frickin’ hott.
Miley Cyrus - This girl is only like 15 years old, so she is destined to become hotter. Her dad is Billy Ray, so you know she is destined to become skankier. It’s a win-win for everybody.
Hayden Panettiere - She is blond. She already tempts me by dressing up like a high school cheerleader. She is blond. She was so cute as a 11 year old in “Remember the Titans”. Did I mention that she is blond?
Jamie Lynn Spears - Why not? It’s not like she can get pregnant from it? Oh wait. How about, what other guy can claim he has banged Britney Spears sister? Oh wait again.
The Olsen Twins - Cause they are so damn cute. (Ed. note - In GA., uncle Jesse would be considered a child molester.)
And last but not least, these two lovely ladies. I can’t post the pics because they are copyrighted, but you can see them if you click this link.
I just could not resist myself.
My First Suspension
Linking to copyrighted images will get your website suspended. I had no idea the dark knight would cause my page to be unavailable for almost 24 hours. I hope I did not lose any faithful readers during the hiatus.
