12 beers a day

So the rules of the contest are stated here.

Here is what you do now. Go to espn.com and sign up. Once signed up, join the group called 12beersaday contest. Password is beer. Name your team and create your entry. If you have any problems, let me know asap. It shouldn’t be too hard. My pet monkey zoozoodoodoo figured it out, so can you.

The prize will be $40 bucks. I should just make it $12 bucks cause that can buy a 12 pack, but I am being generous, and cheap, all at the same time. It’s called multi-tasking.

GO SIGN UP!

So today is it. Today is the day for the rest of the automatic bids into the NCAA tournament are clinched. Today is the day that teams who thought they had a chance to get in, get their bubble burst. Today is the day that the seedings and the brackets come out for all four regions. I love March Madness.

You know what else that means? That means that this coming up week, from Thursday thru Sunday, I won’t have a life. It means that gamblers from all over the world are going to be placing large amounts of bets, as next weekend is the most bet on weekend in sports. It means casinos, bookies, sports gambling websites, it means they are going to be making ALOT of moolah. It also means I am going to have to fight my urge to put money on the games.

IT ALSO MEANS I AM GOING TO HAVE A CONTEST!!!

CONTEST ALERT CONTEST ALERT CONTEST ALERT 

 I am going to have a NCAA tournament contest. The rules will be as follows: You must have signed up for my feedburner feed, using the handy email subscribe button located in the upper left column. I will have a private group at ESPN.com that I will give out the name and password for. You will go there and register for the group and fill out the bracket. Then come back to this site and leave a comment stating what your team name was, this way I will know who is who. The winner of the contest will get either $25-$50 bucks.

Also if your a girl, guy, E.T., who does not know jack about basketball, sign up anyways. It’s free. Costs nothing. I will also have my NCAA tourney analysis out sometime before Wednesday evening, so you can even use that as a guide. It will have my upset picks for the first round.

So go ahead and let me know if your interested, and what you feel like the prize amount should be.

Do I even need to say anything? I didn’t think so.

Last night I strayed. I decided to be different, to be bold. It was time for me to stop drinking beer…and start drinking liquor.

$6 dollar liquor pitchers and a 7 o’clock in the morning alarm clock, yeah, they don’t mix very well. Neither does peeing in someones laundry basket, but my roommate has done it.

I wish I could have someone just follow me around all night on the nights I get drunk. There are so many funny drunken stories that I can’t remember because I blacked out the night before. I hate having to do that recap of, “How did I get home last night?”, only to look out the window and see my car taking up three parking spaces. And the worst is where I wake up on the floor of someones house and have no idea whose place it is, and then see this random dog licking at my crotch and smiling at me. Yeah. That’s bad.

None of that happened last night, just had some liquor and passed out. Then took a scorching hot shower and drank 5 glasses of water before I had to be at work. Damn the man. Damn him.

Maybe it’s just me, but didn’t they already make this move? Some Japanese dude directed it I think, and it flopped. Made less then most Paris Hilton movies, OK maybe not that little. It was just released in the 90’s. Isn’t there like at least a 25 year wait period before you decide to do a remake. That would be like someone deciding to remake Batman, Superman, or hell even worse, American Pie Band Camp.

I’m not one to criticize, OK yes I am, but this movie doesn’t strike me as a blockbuster. I’m sure that Universal will amp it up and advertise it as much as possible, but it just looks stupid. I’m not one for animated characters in real movies, examples: I am Legend, King Kong, The SoPORNOs. I may have just threw that last one in there.

Anyways, the trailer for “The Incredible Hulk” was released yesterday. For those who didn’t get a chance to see it during the “Real World/Road Rules Challenge”, enjoy.

So the site may be shifting around the next couple of days but I still plan to keep writing good shit for the people of America.

I’m probably going to keep this theme, let me know what you think about it. Also, check out my updated pages: About this Site and Tips or Ideas pages. I’ve included proof of my alcoholism. Trust me. It will make you jealous.

Also, to the left on this entry you will see a subscribe to my feed button. DO IT. Also, make this your damn homepage. I got Google on here, so what more do you need. Entertainment, beer, and porn all at your fingertips from one site. SCORE!

Who wants an extra $50 bucks? I know I do. My blogger friend Nate is having a contest to win $50 of his unemployment check. That’s right. His unemployment money. Which means he doesn’t have a job. Which means he is going to miss out on like a months supply of ramen noodles by giving this money away. Which means he is losing a bj from a hooker in Miami by doing this. Which means…you get the idea.

Here is his site here. Go check it out, and sign up and try and gank his green. I am. And if I win, I’m getting drunk with it. What else better to do with the governments moolah? Well, maybe that whole hooker thing.

I’m a beer drinker. I drink the well known stuff, BUD LIGHT. I also use curse words as often as I can when I am at work. Mostly because I hate work and want to win the lottery and move to Vegas and gamble away a million dollars and then sue the casino. Sorry. I’m still pissed that I did not think of that idea first. Damn lady.

This is why I swear, and love youtube:

Yeah I get it, back to the point. MSN.com has released an article listing numerous Beers that are supposedly good for you. Bud Light, Miller Lite, Natural Light(Yeah, I’m cheap, suck it), and what ever other light/lite beer you have actually heard of, it’s not on the list. You can see the list here. If you have actually had any of these alcoholic beverages, please comment and tell me where you got them, and how they tasted.

With Beer names like New Belgium Skinny Dick Dip, how bad could they possibly be?

Also, you can join my 12beersaday.com myspace page, just click here and add me as a friend. Do it. Do it. Or I’ll rape you anally. Trust me, I will. KY is my friend.

God I love America. The land of the free. The land of opportunity. The land of dumb-ass people who sue for spilling hot coffee on themselves at Mickey D’s. Just call it “The land of trying to get anything I can for free, no matter how much it cost me to go to court and sue your rich ass”.

We have another culprit in the get rich scheme. This time, it’s a former lawyer who has a gambling problem. The bitches name is Arelia Taveras and she used to be a successful lawyer before she became accustomed to blowing all her money on blackjack and craps. So what does she decide to do? Sue the casinos for not stopping her.

SUE THE CASINOS FOR NOT STOPPING HER GAMBLING! Maybe it’s just me, but isn’t that what casinos are there for? Gambling? I thought that. That’s why my broke ass knows I shouldn’t go. Then again if she wins this case, I’ll be the happiest man alive because I’ve lost millions on Internet gambling. (Exaggeration? Maybe?)

This lady is suing for $20 Million!!! She claims to have lost close to a million dollars. That’s like a 5000% return. My math may be a little off.

Her claim: “I realized it was an addiction when I was losing all that money and breaking out in sweat,” Taveras said. “It went from every month, to every week, to every day.”

No shit. After you lost about 5 paychecks you didn’t stop and think, “Hmmm. I may have a problem?” I lose $100 bucks and I am pooping my pants. A couple grand and I’m jumping off a building.

She really has no excuses. She was in a casino. You know what they have posted at almost every corner in a casino? Do you? This:

STOP F*CKING GAMBLING, YOUR ADDICTED.

Yeah, that’s there. If not, it should be. I may notice in between my free drinks and the hookers hittin’ on me. If not, oh well, it’s only a problem when your losing.

If this chick gets $20 mill then I am suing everyone I have ever lost money to. That $5 bet back in middle school, you should have stopped me Johnny, now your going to pay me a grand. That $50 bet on the Super Bowl, damn patriots, you owe me 100 g’s sports gambling site that I hate now.

I feel like I just won the lottery. Well, only if she wins.

Ah, the little blue pill that makes old men weep for joy. VIAGRA. The infamous erectile dysfunction drug that made a splash in the late ’90s is my topic of interest for the day. VIVA VIAGRA!!! That commercial sucks, but it got me thinking. They use like the last 45 seconds of that ad to go over all the side effects of taking the make you hard pill. So now for your “when you get old and need a penis jump” knowledge, I will go over them.

These side effects are all listed on VIAGRA.com here.

-Discuss your general health status with your doctor to ensure that you are healthy enough to engage in sexual activity. If you experience chest pain, nausea, or any other discomforts during sex, seek immediate medical help.

This warning is rather vague. It does not suggest that you are already taking the drug, so basically this could happen to you before you are even on the pill. While in the middle of “getting it on”, you could get the urge to puke all over your mate. Now unless your a fan of “4 girls fingerpaint”, this may not be a good idea if you plan on pursuing another love engagement with the same mate.

-Although erections lasting for more than 4 hours may occur rarely with all ED treatments in this drug class, to avoid long-term injuries, it is important to seek immediate medical help.

This is the only reason I want to take the pill. Every guy in the world hears this part of the warning when the commercial is on. We all looked at each other the first time we heard it and uttered these words to our fellow brethren: “If I had a hard on for 4 hours I would call my doctor immediately, and Say “HELL YEAH BITCH I BEEN HARD FOR 4 HOURS AND STILL GOING, JUST LIKE THE MUTHA-F*CKIN ENERGIZER BUNNY FOOL!! KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME”". Trust me, these are the EXACT words every male in the world spoke. I would not lie to you.

-If you are older than age 65, or have serious liver or kidney problems, your doctor may start you at the lowest dose (25 mg) of VIAGRA. If you are taking protease inhibitors, such as for the treatment of HIV, your doctor may recommend a 25-mg dose and may limit you to a maximum single dose of 25 mg of VIAGRA in a 48-hour period.

This is bad for my imagination. If you are older than age 65, please don’t have sex. If you are older than age 65 and have HIV, please please don’t have sex. Why would doctors even prescribe you a drug to help you pass HIV on to some unsuspecting hooker you met in Vegas. There should be a law against that.

-In rare instances, men taking PDE5 inhibitors (oral erectile dysfunction medicines, including VIAGRA) reported a sudden decrease or loss of vision. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to these medicines or to other factors. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of vision, stop taking PDE5 inhibitors, including VIAGRA, and call a doctor right away.

VIAGRA will make you go blind. I have never taken an aspirin and lost my ability to read, so I am pretty sure if those test subjects experienced “loss of vision”, it wasn’t because they ate a bad tomato before they showed up for your VIAGRA experiment that day. What the hell man? You mean to tell me I could possibly be walking around all day with a 4 hour hard on and not be able to see. What a day!

-Sudden decrease or loss of hearing has been rarely reported in people taking PDE5 inhibitors, including VIAGRA. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to the PDE5 inhibitors or to other factors. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of hearing, stop taking VIAGRA and contact a doctor right away.

You thought you would just be blind and hard, but now your deaf as well. Why would anyone take this drug? Your like Helen Keller with a stiff weiner. Fun times.

-The most common side effects of VIAGRA are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach. Less commonly, bluish vision, blurred vision, or sensitivity to light may briefly occur.

Well thank God these are the COMMON side effects. Which to me means that I will most likely experience them. Headaches I can understand, I get that when girls want to cuddle afterwards anyway. Facial flushing, I just call this my “O” face. Upset stomach, unless I had some Taco Bell before the romping began, I don’t want to feel like I am going to defecate on my lover. As far as the vision side effects go, I am most likely going to be wasted anyway when the horizontal mambo begins, that these side effects are probably going to be from alcohol, not the little blue pill.

-The blue diamond tablet shape is a registered trademark of Pfizer Inc.

This isn’t a side effect, I just like how they trademarked the blue pill. Smart.