12 beers a day

So I am going to throw this out there and want you guys and gals opinions of it.

I am thinking of starting a new weekly to bi-weekly section of skanks at the bar. Skanks can refer to anyone, guy or girl, who is undoubtedly portraying skank like qualities out in public. This can range from visible camel toe, dry erase board belt buckle, wearing a belly shirt when you KNOW you shouldn’t be, strutting your new fucking haircut…it varies from person to person.

I’m a frequent bar goer, so I figure that I have a camera, I have a website, I could embarrass some people, but also have good pics of people representing complete and utter non-skankiness. (I’ll have to think of a good word for this.)

Anyways let me know if this sounds like a good idea. I can go take pics and post and let you fine readers comment on them. Or I can keep writing about worldly issues. Jamie Lynn, the Hills, American Idol, Porn, you name it. I’m just throwing it out there for you.

This is a hilarious video. For some reason I can’t find it on youtube, but I have a link for it.

CHECK OUT THIS HILARIOUS VIDEO HERE!

Make sure you have speakers turned on, or you will miss out on the funniest part right at the beginning. Let me what you think about it. I thought it was damn hilarious.

We’ve all been there. At the bar/club, out with our friends having a good time. Shaking our bon bons to livin la vida loca, grinding on the one drunk person that is more wasted then you. Gazing on the dance floor for that special person that is going to catch your attention for the next 2 hours. Alcohol is a hell of a friend. It helps us all pick out people, that sober, we would be to ashamed to talk to, but drunk, they look like Brad Pitt/Jessica Alba. So I’m here to be your guide. Guide to what you ask? Hop along for the ride.

How to get that guy home - Lessons for Women

Girls, girls, girls. Here you go. I am about to spill the beans on how to get that guy you are longing for to go home with you…when your drunk.

Rule Number 1: This is the main rule to picking up guys. Make sure; make DAMN sure, they are drunk. The uglier you are, the drunker they HAVE to be. Beer goggles only work so well ladies. If you see a half sober guy walking around, that’s a pass. If you see a guy fumbling his drinks, tripping on his own feet, drooling a little on his favorite shirt: SCORE! Talk to him. At first, the drool may throw you off, but your not here to speed date, your goal is to get the young man home. From there you are on your own.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 2: Don’t get a guy who is so shit-housed that he is going to pass out on you during the walk/drive home. (Disclaimer: Please don’t drink and drive, I do it all the time and is so STUPID!) If the dildo passes out on you, you will be left snooping through his wallet to find out if he is loaded, and whether or not the next day you want to try and convince him to buy you something nice. If you’re a gold digger, well, ignore this rule and proceed with the wallet investigation.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 3: This is one of the most important rules, so jot this down. Be positive his friends, HIS FRIENDS, are beyond intoxicated before initiating the “come home with me” conversation, unless you are an incredibly hot girl. Guys, believe it or not, look out for one another…occasionally. If you are a less than stellar looking woman, you must make sure his friends are drunk, so they won’t talk him/drag him out of going with you. Your best friend at these moments should be Jaeger shots. Buy rounds for his friends, not him. You don’t want him to end up like rule number 2.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 4: The catch. The easiest and most effective way to get a guy to go home with you from the bar, simple: Grab His Crotch. What straight man is going to turn that down? Huh? Guys, am I right?

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply. But do it anyway for a randy good time later.How to get that girl home - Lessons for Men

My brothers I have not forgotten about ye. Get your notepads out, I am about to lay it out for you in terms you can understand on how to get that girl home.

Rule Number 1: Hide from your friends. At this point your beer goggles should be on full blast, and having any of your friends around, guy or girl friends, will impede you from picking out easy prey. Hearing the occasional “she is ugly man” is ok, but hearing it from 4 different people 4 different times will affect your game. Ditch them for the moment. Once you find your catch, hook her, and bring her in to the group. Make sure she does not stray to far from the circle, this way no one will have the opportunity to tell you if she is ugly or not.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule does not apply.

Rule Number 2: Buy her friends drinks. Please remember to make them happy and get them drunk. Unlike with your guy friends just keeping you from ugly girls when they are sober, women will protect their friends from every wandering penis in sight if they don’t like the looks of them, or if they themselves, are sober. You have to make her friends happy and/or drunk in order to even be able to have a conversation with your interest, let alone go home with her. Women are like a pack of wolves, they won’t leave one behind, unless they are to damn drunk to remember that wolf just got taken home by a rhino.

Disclaimer: For hot chicks this rule DEFINTELY DOES apply.

Rule Number 3: Go after a girl who is drunk, but not shitty drunk. Shitty drunk means she is taking shots every 5 minutes and trying to make out with every guy that walks by her on their way to the bathroom. You don’t want this girl. This girl is most likely going to have issues later on in the night, ex: extended trips to the toilet and/or trashcan. It’s just a fact that most women, and I say MOST women ladies so don’t yell, cannot handle large amounts of alcohol without Mr. Up-chuck stopping by for a visit. Holding a girl’s hair back from the toilet was not the position you had in mind, I’m sure.

Rule Number 4: Act like you give a shit what the drunken girl is saying. Women love, LOVE, to be listened to. They can talk for days about God knows what. If you pretend you are interested in what a drunken girl has to say, she will most likely talk to you for a good bit. Women like to hear themselves talk and guys don’t really care as long as he can glance down your shirt every now and then.

Note to women: Wear a low cut shirt.

Rule Number 5: At one point in the night make it rain on them hoes. Why not?

Please, please, PLEASE, keep in mind that these rules only apply when you and your object of desire, or objects, are drunk. Sober, you’re on your own, I suck at sober talking.

Any questions?

This song is on the radio right now, and it made me think of the video. Remember when black guys had hair like this? It was awesome. Remember when raping a blind girl used to be legal? Even Better.

So in keeping with my Jackson 5 theme from yesterday, I decided to do a little experiment. I have always wondered what Michael would have grown up to look like had he not had plastic surgery, dyed his skin whiter than mine, and put a finger in little boys poopie holes.

So thank God for photoshop. I created my version on what Mike would look like after growing up normal, or normal for a rich person with ungodly amounts of money.

Here is the young Michael

So young so innocent. My how far the mighty have fallen. But with my genius experiment we can all now see what Michael would have looked like.

Michael today without plastic surgery.

Straight Gangsta. Straight G-A-N-G-S-T-A. Enough said.

Look at the picture. Look long and hard. That is the Jackson 5. A once talented musical group, with super talent Michael Jackson at the helm. They had hits. They had groupies. They had fans. They had money. They had it all. A family bond that only music could express, and also, tear apart.

We all know what has happened to Michael Jackson since his days in the Jackson 5. He blew up with Thriller, became known as one of the worlds greatest entertainers, did the moonwalk, amazed us with dance moves and jackets with 100 zippers. Michael did this to us. Then he went crazy. Allegedly anally raping molested children. Went from being a young black man to a creepy white dude. Hung his kids over balconies. Wore masks like he was playing doctor 24/7. Can you say psycho?

We all know the main Jacksons story, but what about the rest of them? I admit, I expected them to all be living out their days in some big mansion not having a care in the world besides their crazy brother. Boy was I wrong.

According to The New York Post the family is struggling, just a bit:

Joseph Jackson, 79 and Katherine Jackson, 77

Dad hustles various girl groups in Las Vegas. Mom is still a stay-at-home housewife and the only family member in contact with Michael. Both have previously filed for bankruptcy

Janet Jackson, 41

The current family breadwinner. She bought her mom a Vegas home in anticipation of losing the family’s mansion, Hayvenhurst, to foreclosure. Like their Neverland colleagues, workers at Hayvenhurst have not been paid for months.

La Toya Jackson, 52

Family turncoat who declared Michael guilty during the 1993 molestation case, she earns a living mostly in Europe and in the UAE judging beauty and singing contests. She lives with a wealthy boyfriend in Beverly Hills and has little contact with her siblings.

Rebbie Jackson, 57

The oldest, she’s married to successful businessman Nathaniel Brown.

Tito Jackson, 55

Formed a blues band several years ago and plays at small venues for $500 to $1,500 a gig.

Michael Jackson, 49

On the verge of losing Neverland ranch as well as the family’s Encino, Calif., home. He’s hiding out in Las Vegas and repeatedly makes promises to his brothers while sabotaging any attempts by them to ply their musical trade.

Randy Jackson, 46

Does odd jobs like changing tires to support himself. He was Michael’s business manager during the 2005 molestation trial but ran into serious problems with friends after he persuaded three people to take out lines of credits against their homes to help Michael pay his attorney fees and Michael stiffed them.

Marlon Jackson, 51

Lives in San Diego, where he works stocking groceries at a Vons supermarket. He fell on hard times three years ago when he was forced to leave his foreclosed home and move into an Extended Stay America hotel with his wife, Carol.

Jackie Jackson, 56

The oldest son started an Internet clothing business and is trying to produce records by his sons. Nothing has panned out.

Jermaine Jackson, 54

Splits time between the parents’ Hayvenhurst mansion and his girlfriend’s home in the San Fernando Valley. With more than $5 million in federal, state and other liens against him and a 1995 bankruptcy filing, he doesn’t work or have a regular income.

Now children, what have we learned from this? If you have a brother who goes insane, changing his skin color, and sleeping with boys under the age of 12, or at all really, shoot him. Shoot him dead. Or he will ruin your life. Any questions?

I feel like being really random today. By really, I mean, totally. Like real world fights random. I just got a bump on my noggin random.

I need ideas for videos people. I am a people pleaser, and an entertainer, and I want to kill two birds with one stone. So here is what you faithful readers do, all five of you, submit video ideas. Any video ideas, well, except kiddie porn, that be nasty. You can email me, you can snail mail me, you can call me, I don’t care. Just get your ideas in.

The NCAA basketball contest is in full swing. Right now, it looks like I am going to be paying some lucky bastard $40 big ones. That blows.

I never knew that women’s basketball had so many hotties. I’m partial to the blondes.

Amy Winehouse used to be normal looking. Kids, this is the before crack and after crack photos of her. Stay off drugs. For Santa.

Who is a music fan? Who likes movies also? Guess what I have for you. Nothing really, except that there is a movie coming out about John Lennon and his death. Basically it chronicles the life of the man who shot the legend. I never would have IMAGINED they would have made this into a movie. Like my play on words there Lennon fans?

And last but not least, enjoy this lovely video of a man singing about people. And yes, He is most likely going to hell.

This is pretty much my theme song if I ever get a girl trying to say that I have a kid with her. Don’t be acting like you can pull a fast one on Chandler now. No ma’am. That baby don’t look nothing like me. Nothing.

Maybe I missed out on the announcement that youtube was now giving out awards, but they sure are. Supposedly they have done it in the past also, because the news story says “annual”, so that means it’s an ongoing event.

Some winners of the awards were…

“Chocolate Rain” Original Song by Tay Zonday - Music Award

Views: 15,997,815

Neil Cicierega’s video featuring “Harry Potter” hand puppets -Comedy Award

Views: 37,214,676

I don’t really know how this won the comedy award.

The Original Human TETRIS Performance by Guillaume Reymond - Most creative video

I don’t understand how these were the best so-called videos on youtube. I demand a recount. This video should have won every award out there.

Les Poker Game

I messed up on the post before and put the wrong link to see the naked girl, so here is the link to see some boobs. My bad earlier. LINK HERE CLICK NOW = BOOBS!