12 beers a day

Oh Ashton, you are so crazy, so fun. I sure do love when you play pranks on unsuspecting people. Maybe you did go a little to far with this one though.

According to Foxnews.com, “A bartender at a hot New York City celebrity nightspot had hepatitis A, the Health Department confirmed Thursday — and was working the same night Ashton Kutcher held his star-studded birthday party earlier this month.” Authorities seem to think this is a big deal and urging stars to get checked.

How awesome is that. Somewhere in New York stars like Madonna, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Bruce Willis are in line somewhere at a free clinic trying to get tested for this disease. You can live with this junk right? Isn’t it the same thing that Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee swapped back and forth between each other during the making of their sex tape? Oh well. I bet Bruce is trying to get to the front of the line to try and see if Britney Spears will let him skip. John Mcclain has places to be, and Britney has a year round free pass.

This cat is a druggie. According to OK magazine, this douchebag, aka Aaron Carter was “”was arrested on Thursday in Kimble County, Texas. Sources say the 20-year old was pulled over for speeding on I-10, and when authorities searched his car, they found over two ounces of marijuana.”  Is that alot of weed? I have never had the wacky ganja in my life, instead I am addicted to diet cokes and 2 dollar hookers. You think a weed addiction is hard to break, try getting rid of the clap.

I really wish I was a celebrity. Aaron Carter has been out of the public eye for like 12 years, but that mutha gets arrested for weed, and every hooker in Texas is probably looking to have sex with him now. Lucky bastard. What is he now, 20? He was like 8 when his little gay poppin disney songs made him somewhat popular in the 4-10 age group. Very hard market to corner.

I’m Aaron Carter and I’m here to say,
don’t do drugs, it’s not okay.
You don’t need drugs, to have fun,
but I’m sorry to say, my rap is done.

Thanks to wwtdd for the story, and the rap.

Haven’t wrote alot today. It’s been all rainy here and I think I am still hungover from monday. Anyways, heres a funny video to pass the time.

***Contains language you would not use in front of your mother.

It was announced today that Hasbro has signed a six-year deal with Universal pictures for the production of at least 4 movies based on board games. And by board games, I am not talking about those with a plot, I am talking about Candyland, Monopoly, Battleship, and Ouija.

Is it just me, or is it hard to picture Lindsay Lohan frolicking around a wonderfully magical and delicious world filled with candy. Or to imagine Johnny Depp commanding the lead ship that just sunk my battleship. And maybe they can get a bald Britney Spears to play the part of the little monopoly man. And I don’t know how they hell they are going to make Ouija.

Can these guys really not think of anything better to make movies about? Honestly. Candyland, WTF?!

I’ll be honest though, if they put women’s boobs anywhere in these films, I will at least rent it. Probably more then once.

Dawg, dawg, dawg, listen dawg, now dawg, I like you dawg, but dawg, you gotta bring it dawg…dawg.

Thank you, thank you, that was my impression of Randy Jackson from American Idol.

In other news:

According to ABC news it seems as though some of the contestants on American Idol this year, are not so amateurish as they have led on. It seems that several of the singing savants have at one point in their lives already been signed to record contracts before coming onto the show.

One contestant, Carly Smithson, is performing on the show under a different name. She has already been “an Irish singing sensation, signed to a six-record deal with MC records in 1999. In total, the label invested more than $2 million in her”.

Other contestants including Michael Johns and Kristi Lee Cook have also previously been under record contracts.

My opinion:

I don’t watch this crap anyways after all the idiots that go on the show looking for their 15 minutes of fame by trying to make the most GOD AWFUL sounds come out of their mouths get booted off. I think for the duration of the show, or at least till it gets down to 4 people, they should always have someone who cannot sing worth a lick, SANJAYA SANJAYA, just for pure entertainment purposes. I guess maybe they did that last year with that beat boxing, JT wannabe, because HE definitely could not pelt out a lyric.

Now just for entertainment purposes.

It’s one thing to be famous, it’s one thing to have a one hit wonder, but to have some band you have never heard of remake a “rock” version of one your most popular songs and become famous for it by youtube, well that’s in a whole ‘nother realm of it’s own.

Enjoy, and Justin just had sex with your mom. He is bringing sexy back. Literally.

So I am always looking for ways to get rich, I mean who isn’t, but these folks may have just expanded my thinking to bodily harm. This just really amazed me, I had to post it.

It’s time again for the annual ‘Stella Awards ! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That’s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S . You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. Here are the Stella’s for the past year:

7TH PLACE :

Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas , was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE:

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California , won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE:

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Ufortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ‘em, EIGHT,
days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish.

Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

Keep scratching. There are more…

4TH PLACE :

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot
the dog with a pellet gun.

No sh*t.

3RD PLACE :

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms.Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

And people wonder why I yell at women when I am drunk. 2 more Stellas to go…

2ND PLACE :

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware , sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her  $12,000…oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

1ST PLACE : (A fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)

This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs . Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the
Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set . The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just incase Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

So have you guys seen those budweiser commercials where the guy is talking about how budweiser flies in beer tasters from all over America just to taste the beer. It got me thinking if this was really an actual job. Thanks to ehow I found the actual job responsibilities of an actual beer taster. Here they are.

Step 1:
Determine the beer’s characteristics through tasting. A sweet-flavored beer generally indicates a malt based beer, and a bitter beer consists of a hops based formula. A professional beer taster needs to tell the difference between these qualities. The taster also needs to classify the thickness of a beer, another factor in positioning a beer for a market segment.

Step 2:
Approach the tastings methodically. Schedule beer tasting the same time each day, usually during lunchtime (11:30 a.m to 1:00 p.m.) when the taste buds aren’t worn out from a long day.

Step 3:
Learn about the brewing methods and what’s needed to produce a particular type of beer. A taster should know about how yeast facilitates different flavors and textures in a beer, and how that skews the beer’s projected audience.

Step 4:
Drink the beer. Unlike wine tasters, the beer taster has to actually swallow the brew and feel the tactile sensation of it in his or her mouth. The beer’s smell and color remains an important sales factor, so take that into account when writing your report about the beer’s attributes.

Step 5:
Rinse your mouth with water between tastings. Don’t cleanse the palate with crackers, cheese or other snacks. This will cloud the palate for your next beer tasting.

SIDE NOTE

And supposedly this one one guy in Brazil was so amped about his job he took it way to far and became an alcoholic. Then he tried to sue the brewery he was working for. If he won that lawsuit, what a lucky guy. Get drunk, get paid, get way drunk, get addicted, get fired, get paid even more. Life story.

He tells People.com, “When people hear what we have in the bank, it’s gonna blow their minds. Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming - they’re gonna sell 10-million plus. We’re financing (the album) ourselves on a shoestring budget. It’s so organic. And this is just the warm-up. We’re just heating up the water in the bathtub. It’s gonna get hot!”

I’m gonna let you guys and gals try and guess who said this and who he is talking about while I rant about this dudes obnoxious statement.

First off, how is this toolbag even famous, let alone have enough money in his bank account to finance an “organic” record. And how the hell is a record organic? Orgasmic maybe, but organic, c’mon, stop talking.

Secondly, there is no way anyone in the music industry is going to say they have “diamond records” coming out. We all know its platinum, everything is platinum. You would think that someone would inform this guy of that before letting him talk. That’s like Christopher Walken saying “you’ll be wearing nickel-plated diapers when I’m finished with you…more cowbell”.

You guys figure it out yet? I would actually be glad if you had absolutely no clue who it was, now or after I tell you. It would mean you actually have a soul, and can feel emotion, and the emotion you would feel after watching this stupid ass show would be suicide. Trust me, I’ve been there.

And the culprit is….drumroll please…….are you drumrolling……I hope so……..don’t disappoint me……

The douchebag is Spencer from the hills and he is talking about his barbie bobblehead Heidi. Go ahead and shoot yourself if you knew that.

Don’t act like your not turned on by this stunning couple. You can really tell they are in love. I mean just look at those chompers Shannon Price is showing. She has that “i’m gonna eat ya gary” look on her face. Am I the only person who has no idea who she is by the way?

Thanks to What would tyler durden do for the story. It seems these two had a secret marriage, but is it really a secret when no one really cares? That would be like me getting drunk by myself, while lying naked in a pool of my own urine and no one knowing.

Anywho, read the story, it is very interesting. Supposedly lil’ “What you talkin bout willis” has a bit of a midget temper on him. Oh, and this ugly bitch was also his first, and he is like 40, and was an 80’s child star. You mean to tell me that some rich dude from the 80’s could not find some coke whore running around to at least give him a taste of the horizontal mambo. RIIIIIIGHT Gary, I believe that. And you got a 12 inch dong too. Bite me.