at least until my liver explodes
For all you Family Guy fanatics out there who all agree the best character on the show, besides Stewie, is Cleveland, get ready. It seems as though there are talks going on that Cleveland, “Hello Peter”, may be getting his own show.
If you haven’t checked out Benanderic.com you should. They have some great videos.
It’s time for another list here at 12beersaday.com. My criteria for this list is as follows: whatever I deem cracked out, looks, actions, words, hair, it don’t matter. It’s my list, so sit back and enjoy.
10. Nick Nolte
I don’t even know if this guy is alive anymore. In fact, the only movie I really ever remember him in is Blue Chips, and I could be wrong about that as well. But let’s face it, when you have a mug shot that looks like you just tumbled down the Grand Canyon while chugging a bottle of Vodka, your probably cracked out.
9. Gary Busey
How is this guy not in an insane asylum? Not only is he freaking out some kid reporter who probably had to go to therapy after this incident, but he’s also freaking out other celebrities as well.
I think these two videos sum up Gary Busey. Words will do no good.
8. Chris Crocker
I don’t even know if this guy/girl/who gives a f*ck even counts as a celebrity. All this thing did was make a whole bunch of weird ass videos basically saying he wishes he was Britney Spears, or at least her vaginal area. Any guy who dresses up this way and acts this way and is this way, is cracked out beyond belief. Or at least I hope they are.
7. Steve-O from Jackass/Wildboyz
I don’t think I need to say anything to prove Steve-O has been doing crack off people’s backs since he was at least 8 years old. Half the stunts he does on Jackass and Wildboyz require you to have at the most 5 working brain cells or else you would think, “I probably shouldn’t do this, it is quite dumb”. Then this video pretty much shows that there is not a sober moment in this Jackasses life. God I love cable.
6. Tom Cruise
My how I miss the old Tom Cruise. The Top Gun, Days of Thunder Tom Cruise. Those were the good ole days where you could look up to an actor, or in Tom’s case down, and know he was always going to be someone you could count on. Then he jumped into that Scientology bull and off the deep end he went. If you watch Oprah’s face closely in that video you can see where she gets the point where she is like, “What the f*ck, what the f*ck am I going to do? I should really just push this chair out from underneath this Muthaf*cka and have him bust his ass. That will definitely make youtube.”
Hey, those are her thoughts not mine people.
5. That guy from Celebrity Rehab on VH1
Jeff Conaway is his name, and doing drugs is his game. This guy at some point in his life was in movies (Grease) and TV Shows (Taxi), but unless your my parents’ age you probably never heard of him. I know I hadn’t until VH1 created this masterpiece of a show. Let’s get a whole bunch of no name celebrities who are druggies and alcoholics and put them in rehab = Brilliance. I’ll be honest, without this crackhead on the show, there would be no show. The guy is so drugged out he was in the hospital having seizures after the 1st episode. I would not even watch if this guy wasn’t on it. I keep thinking he is just going to croak every time I tune in, but instead he just keeps flipping out and having these rage attacks. Just give him a line of blow and he will be fine. Just don’t tell Dr. Drew.
4. Michael Jackson
Poor Michael. He used to be famous, he used to own a huge ranch, he used to have lots of money, and he used to be black. When you can manage to go from a famous black man to a decrepit old white man, you make this list. Not to mention he has to be the least photogenic person on earth cause every picture he takes looks like he just saw Godzilla eat his next boy brunch.
3. Lindsay Lohan
First and foremost, do me a favor and look at Lindsay’s left ankle, that would be the ankle on the right side for all you college graduates out there. Need I say more?
I was going to put one of the nude Marilyn Monroe/Lindsay Lohan pics up for you, but this is a family site man.
I think Lindsay just got arrested again. Oh wait no, that was just her ankle bracelet beeping. I told her to stay out of the water.
2. Britney Spears
Look, even Britney’s crotch has taken to the 12 beers a day theme. I am almost an Internet Icon, now if only her face can follow.
Britney would be number 1 on this list any other year. She lost her kids to K-Fed of all people, has been married 5 times it seems, and she has been to a mental health facility. Rumors of rampant drug use have surfaced, and say she has experimented with drugs since her days on the Mickey Mouse club. Whatever happened to playing with dolls and playing dress up, kids just experiment with cocaine nowadays? Geez.
Somehow Britney is more popular in the paparazzi then ever before. She has done nothing but pop out babies in between her popping pills, how does that constitute stardom? At least she still has her dignity. Yeah, I know I’m joking.
1. Amy Winehouse
“They tried to make me go to rehab” and I said GO, GO, GO. Amy oh Amy. Supposedly Miss Winehouse is on every drug imaginable. She has even been interviewed after smoking crack, and ADMITTED it. Talk about a PR problem.
Amy is undoubtedly the most cracked out person, not just celeb, PERSON on the face of this earth. I am surprised she is still breathing. Before this year is up, Amy will have crack tank with a breathing mask, dragging it around, taking hits all day long.
By the way, she did go-to rehab. “Yes, Yes, Yes.”
“ATTENTION ALL INCOMING FRESHMAN. IN ORDER TO RECIEVE YOUR FREE IPHONE PLEASE COME TO THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE BEFORE FRIDAY AND PLEASE HAVE YOUR ID READY. FOR YOUR FREE ITOUCH PLEASE COME TO THE REGISTRARS OFFICE BEFORE NEXT TUESDAY, ALSO WITH YOUR ID.”
That is an announcement similar to the one that incoming freshman at Abilene Christian University will be hearing next fall when the fresh meat arrive on campus. The small college in Abilene, Texas has decided to give out these free electronic devices, based on education.
It seems as though the University conducted a study in 2007 about the educational uses of the two products and found more then 15 reason a student should have one. Some of those reason are “homework alerts, in-class surveys, directions to classrooms and offices, and meal balance information, just to name a few.”
So for all you youngsters out there looking for a new iphone, but your parents just keep telling you to get a job or sell some crack, but your to lazy, here’s your opportunity to get one for free. Well almost free. There is that small cost of tuition, then housing, let’s not forget food, and the main reason for money in school….drinking.
Then again if you do go to school there and you really get desperate for green, you could always sell that junk on eBay. FREE DRINKS ON THE KID WITH NO IPHONE!!!
If I was a senior at that school I would be PISSED. I just went through 4-8 years of school at this hell hole and all I got was a frickin’ piece of paper?! Where is my damn apple product?! Huh?!
Yeah, seniors. Dummies.
Check this site out if you loved Nintendo games. Not the new age games they have now for the wii and xbox, but the old school games like the original Super Mario and Duckhunter, and my original fave Tecmo Superbowl. It just doesn’t get any better then that.
With Leather just printed this story and I had to let my readers know about it.
I grew up playing sports and I have my collection of shots to my groin firmly rooted in my brain, but this guy, he is truly never going to forget this one.
High School basketball Player Issac Sosa was playing in a game and got kneed in the berries and twigs as he was driving to the hoop. He was in pain but stayed in the game to play thru it, and eventually hit the game winning 3-pointer.
After the game his Granddaddy, sensing his grandson’s manhood may be out of whack, took him to the hospital where they gave him and MRI and turns out he had, are you ready, A FRACTURED TESTICLE. Wow. I didn’t even know that was possible.
The doctors said that part of the testicle will have to be removed, and in fact there is a small, and I hope for the boy, pebble small, chance the ENTIRE testicle will have to be removed.
Poor kid. Now he is never going to get laid. Then again, ain’t no bully in school ever going to mess with a kid who gave his right nut for his basketball team.
The booty Voyeur is on the loose at UCF. It seems as thought the University of Central Florida has a butt connoisseur amongst them.
Someone at UCF has been recording the buttocks of women and posting the videos on the Internet.
“There is somebody who is videotaping women’s rear-ends,” UCF police Officer Jeannette Emert said.
Haha, rear-ends. Awesome.
You know what the best part about this story is, this is completely legal. If I want to get a video camera out and go to the mall, I can record every luscious booty that comes within range of whatever video camera I just stole. That my friends, is freedom.
***By the way, that’s a dude in the picture. You perv.
This kid is 6 year’s old. He is in kindergarten. He loves to play with his poo. HE IS THE DEVIL!!!
This kid’s name is Bryan Ruda. He has a Mohawk, and this makes him a distraction at his school. It seems as though the kids are not able to concentrate during nap time because this kid’s hair is so rad and tubular, they just can’t stop staring.
He was suspended, yes, suspended, from his Ohio school. Not for beating some kid up, not for stealing the teacher’s condoms, not for cursing out some 2nd grader, for having a Mohawk on his head. What is the world coming to when a 6 year old can’t have a Mohawk on his head. I highly doubt he is listening to Marilyn Manson records contemplating to blow up the school cause these little 6-year old punks can’t respect his pimpness. In fact his mom is the one who cut his hair that way, not him.
If I were the mom I would give him a reverse Mohawk, where you let the hair on the sides grow out and then shave the middle, then give the administration the finger every-time she dropped the kid off for kindergarten.
Too bad the kid is suspended, now he will never be able to tie his shoes or eat paste correctly. God I love America.
These two women were recently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for no apparent reason according to them, they were just too hot.
According to one of the young ladies, there was an altercation with someone who was in the bathroom and when she came back and sat down in her seat, the flight attendants only questioned her.
“I think they were just discriminating against because we were young decent-looking girls. I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us except us,” she said. “[The flight attendants] were like older ladies. We were younger. Who knows, they could have been just jealous of us because we were younger.”
So basically the older skanks who were working the flight got jealous of the young unwrinkly women and decided to straight up diss them.
Why couldn’t they just settle this like they did back in the good old days, with breakdancing. Hot girl on the left could bust out in the robot, while hot girl on the right could take her top off. Then if they got kicked off of the flight, at least I would have a vision of a girl with her top off, and let’s be honest people, that’s what life is about.
I have a new slogan for Southwest:
Women with they belly button in between they boobs - them crazy bitches always fly Southwest.
I meant to use THEY by the way. So back off my grammar.
And no, I am not talking about the fat, blonde, pantyless wonder on the right either. It is reported that Jamie Lynn Spears has received her GED, or as Chris Rock would say her “Good enough Diploma”.
The Nickelodeon star is moving on in her life after getting herself pregnant! It’s also reported that she is looking in to taking the ACT as well.
You know, that’s all fine and dandy, maybe even a little inspirational, but I’m pretty sure it’s nothing but a publicity stunt. This lil’ hooch could have quit school as soon as the words, “Hit me baby, one more time” came out of her sisters slutty mouth. There is no reason for this Queen of the trailer park to have a High School Diploma, let alone a GED because her sister is L-O-A-D-E-D-D-D-D-D. I’m pretty sure she could easily get by on Britney’s scraps.
But I am sure her mom is proud. She might actually have a daughter who will be able to keep her kids this time. Britney has her mind on other things besides taking care of two little brats, like her career and staying in shape, not to mention she has to buy several pairs of designer underwear. Don’t worry guys, she doesn’t wear the underwear, she says they wipe the cocaine lines up better then just rags and a Dustbuster.
Britney and Jamie Lynn, America salutes you. You two truly are the American dream. At least Britney used to be the American dream for most teenage boys.
Britney: “You want a piece of me”
Me: “Um, do I have to? Help!”
